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Firelands raid delayed: “Not Winning”

By the TWM Wire Staff (March 9, 2011 3:20 p.m. EST)

Los Angeles (TWM) — Charlie Sheen’s Tiger Blood boiled as he spewed a tirade online last night, after he just learned that he will have to wait for Cataclysm Patch 4.2 to see the Firelands raid.

Charlie Sheen is an actor and self-professed warlock with marital, legal and substance abuse problems stemming from frustrations about his inability to raid the Firelands in Patch 4.1.

“I feel more alive, I feel more focused, I feel more energetic,” Sheen told TWM last month about his Firelands raiding plan. “I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.” But his epic-winning mood soured when someone pointed out to him that only Zul’Aman and Zul’Gurub 5-man dungeons will be available in WoW soon.

He accused Blizzard and World of Warcraft developers of “narcissism, greed and hatred of yourself — or women,” and disdain for raiders who like to nuke Fire Elementals in WoW. “You gave me your word so you gave me nothing. It must really suck being your missus.”

“A high treason has occurred,” Sheen concluded. “The scales of justice are in a state of radical disarray. Together we must right this infantile wrong. Stay tuned, good soldiers. I’ll see you all on the battlefield. Dogspeed” he faded as he cried himself to sleep.

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